Steps Family Therapy

  Self-Worth: Paper Dolls, and the Concept of “Adoption” Where does your worth come from? How do you feel validated? A sense of fulfillment? A sense of importance? Your sources of self-worth can be used to explain your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. “Belonging and Love” is the 3rd level on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, but the need to be valued can outweigh all other basic needs. The need for validation can drive people to die from eating disorders, make them stay in physically abusive relationships, and to take their own lives.  Validation trumps physiological needs. So, we need to make sure we have our basic need of validation coming from reliable sources, at least as much as we need reliable shelter and consistent sources of food and water. The Paper Doll is a model we can use to visualize how validation is needed for a sense of security. The following model shows a person who draws the majority of their worth from a stable family environment–parents that often showed un...

Why Kids Blame Themselves “Catastrophic thinking” is a common symptom in adult anxiety. However, it is a common occurrence in even the healthiest of young children. Luckily, many kids are able to discuss their catastrophic thoughts with validating adults so they don’t persist and become symptoms of later anxiety. One of the most common kinds of catastrophic thinking involves evaluations of the self, or attributing bad outcomes to the self: “It’s all my fault!” “I’m a bad person.” “I can’t do anything right, I’m a screw-up.” “I’m not smart.” “Nobody likes me.” Babies are not born with these thoughts. They must get instilled through experience. They exist for a reason. Children are sent these messages either directly, or they get interpreted indirectly from the environment around them. Messages coming from family members are especially sticky ). Children are impressionable and tend to accept messages from those close to them as truth. If Dad tells me I’m a screw-up, it must be true. Unle...

  Levels of Coping What can I do about my problem? There are many answers, but I’ve found that the ways to address our problems generally fit into 6 categories: Level 0: Numb-ers . (See “Coping vs Numbing”) These kinds of solutions may relieve or deflect the pain somewhat, but ultimately end up contributing to your problems. All kinds of addictions fall into this category, as well as other destructive habits like: -cutting yourself to feel something -getting multiple piercings or tattoos to gain a sense of control -engaging in risky/impulsive sexual behavior to feel autonomous or induce a dopamine rush -bingeing (food, tv, sex, thrills) -pornography -procrastinating -compulsive shopping -fighting -hoarding -oversleeping* It is understandable why someone feeling intense emotions could use these to cope with the pain. They give the benefit of staving off extreme anxiety, anger, or despair, which may be necessary for short-term survival. These may prevent suicidality, panic, or psycho...