Picky Eating

 This is one of the most common parenting questions I get. And, I honestly don’t think the first few results on Google or ChatGPT’s tips address the biggest issues typically involved.

Picky eating is SUPER common, among both children and adults, and people go through phases. It typically is not catastrophic, and is nothing parents should be ashamed of. However, there are things parents can do about it, but which are easier said than done. I’ll cut to the chase here about the biggest thing influencing picky eating NOT mentioned in most parenting articles: Intolerance of a child’s feelings.

The basic principle in addressing picky eating is that parents present the choices, and kids make the choices. Pretty easy, right?

Wrong. This requires that parents be firm and consistent in the choices they present. They must present a variety of healthy choices, without hyper-palatable (always tasty but not nutritious) options, if they are to be successful helping their kids try new foods. This means not changing the choices when a child throws a tantrum, or decides to go hungry for a few meals rather than eat what is presented. This can be extremely difficult for many parents to sit through. But all other strategies you’ll find to help with picky eating are useless if you can’t handle what happens when your child gets upset anyway. And how do we develop tolerance for our children’s emotions? That’s the hard part. Feel free to peruse the many other blog articles that discuss emotion tolerance and boundaries.

    But if you feel like you CAN survive a tantrum without caving in to your child’s demands, then here are the rest of the basic guidelines:

-For a smoother transition, start introducing small changes and variations in meals (using strawberry instead of grape jam; half-wheat pancakes instead of all white; etc.).

-Place a variety of foods on your child’s plate. It’s ok if they don’t eat them, but the exposure is still worth it. If they want to take them off the plate, it’s also ok. DON’T take foods off their plate for them.

-Show your child that YOU are not picky–that you are trying lots of different foods and enjoying them. If you are picky, then you will likely need to work on that first before you expect to give your child something you don’t have.

-Hunger is a normal and natural part of life. It is not abusive/neglectful for your child to choose to be hungry in the presence of nutritious foods. Hunger often drives the desire to try and enjoy new foods. My rule of thumb is to observe if your child skips more than 2 meals. If they skip 3 meals in a row, or skip 2 meals regularly, then we may be looking at either a stronger psychological issue, or a physiological one, and you may want to cave in to their demands while you seek more professional consultation on it. But in most cases, kids will only skip 1 meal before they are willing to try new things.

-Always have basic, nutritious alternatives available. Part of the emotion around foods involves the sense of choice. Even the most delicious foods can become taboo if a child feels forced to eat them, or if they feel they have no other choice. At my house, I will make a single choice of meal for dinner. If the kids refuse to eat it, they always have access to apples, carrots (or any other fresh produce), unsweetened soy milk, and non-delicious bran bread. These foods do not provide any pleasure when bored, but still provide most of the basic nutrients. When deciding on these perpetually available foods, just think, “If my child were only to eat a few simple foods for the rest of their life, what would be ok?”

*We also have a rule that the only foods available after bed-time routine (7 PM) are fresh produce. I am continuously amazed at how many raw vegetables my children are willing to eat after 7 when they know there are no other options available.

And what about more serious issues that may be keeping kids from trying new foods? We might be thinking of Autism, Sensory Processing Disorders, Specific Phobias, or food sensitivities and allergies, to name a few. It is possible that your child has one or several of these. And professional help is recommended to make an individual nutrition plan in these cases. But even with these conditions, there is still likely a wider range of possibilities than you thought possible.

And, only a small minority of people have any of these. So if there are no other indicators of these diagnoses, then don’t assume the pickiness is a developmental issue. If your child is willing to eat a wide variety of hyper-palatable foods (pizza, chips, cookies, fast-food, processed snack foods, etc), just not healthy foods, then that indicates AGAINST a serious biological issue.