Steps Family Therapy

  On Weight-Loss Full disclosure: I have never in my life had a need or desire to lose weight, not even on the wrestling team. However, I do know about the psychological mechanisms that keep us from fulfilling our goals. Since this goal is so popular, I’m taking license to give some thoughts about a few different impediments to weight loss. 1. What have you noticed about the people that successfully lose weight, keep it off, and aren’t anxiously avoiding weight gain? You may notice that, to them, it's not a big deal . And because they aren’t stressing all the time about their calorie count and exercise time, we HATE them for losing weight so easily. Let’s cool our jets for a sec and look closer at the “not a big deal” part of it. Why aren’t they stressing about losing weight? I would argue it’s because they don’t need to. They love and accept themselves how they are, so there is little stress to change. When the journey to change your physical health and appearance is for extra cr...

  The Brain and The Bucket: Why Am I Anxious or Depressed? 5 min video version: https://youtu.be/K_v9r_AP_Qg Many of you have seen me draw these diagrams in session to help you understand the environmental sources of maladaptive emotions (obviously this is a gross simplification of brain science, but the concept can be helpful). I work from the assumption that all emotions come from REAL sources, and that we don't generate feelings, thoughts, or beliefs that can’t be tracked to some real experience. Babies are not born to dislike themselves, have social anxiety, go numb, be addicted, or to attack people--these are conditioned into their brains. They might be born with a disposition to these conditions (e.g., a reactive amygdala), but mental illness must still be preceded by some kind of stress buildup in most cases. First, the Stress Bucket. We become anxious or angry when the bucket approaches capacity. It is filled with stressors of 3 kinds: -Trauma: This is our baggage, or sludg...

  To the Parents of Adopted, Foster, or otherwise Traumatized Children Whether or not you have chosen to have custody of a traumatized child, you have an extremely formidable challenge ahead of you, one not all parents face. There is no greater calling than parenting, and those who must parent traumatized children should be honored and supported. Thank you for your efforts. If a child is adopted or placed in the foster system, it is almost guaranteed that their brain wiring has adapted to face a world of danger. The birth mothers of these children were almost certainly under tremendous stress, increasing potential prenatal exposure to stress hormones. If the child lived in the home before being fostered, they were likely exposed to intense traumas. Even children who witness alcoholic parents come home and scream at each other every night might not be placed in foster care; the trauma must exceed legal bounds to include illegal drug use, neglect, or physical or sexual violence. Adop...