Why is it NOT Actually About the Nail?


https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg?si=VaPTmlTBojNi300_

 Everyone can relate to this hilarious satire on some people’s inability to see the obvious impediments to resolution. There’s a NAIL in your head! Don’t you think the pain and pressure you’re feeling, and the snags in your sweaters, will go away if you took it out? The answer is YES, but the woman is actually correct in that the real issue is NOT the nail. 

Let me explain. The pain, pressure, and snags are issues caused by the nail, but the REAL issue is the underlying reason that this woman feels the need to have a nail in her head. The NAIL serves a function. I might theorize that this woman may feel starved for attention and will desperately seek it in extreme ways. Or, she is experiencing a deeper pain and needs some extreme stimulation to distract her from it. Or, she has a suppressed fear of intimacy, and that nail keeps her boyfriend at a safe distance. 

Some analogous nails in our lives are: 


-Alcohol 

-Pornography 

-Netflix bingeing 

-Stress eating 

-Workaholism

-“Laziness” 

-Obsessions/Compulsions 

-Toxic Relationships 


“If you just got off the couch and did something with your life, you wouldn’t be such a failure.” 


“If you just quit dating JERKS, you wouldn’t have your heart broken all the time!” 


“If you just quit your addiction, we wouldn’t be entering financial ruin and our family wouldn’t be falling apart.” 


These are all true statements in that quitting the problematic behavior would temporarily eliminate the direct effects, but it doesn’t solve the underlying issue of why a person is using an addiction, or risky romances, or other destructive behavior. These are all ways to medicate a deeper form of fear or shame, which arises from real life experiences and traumas. If the behavior stops, but the source is not treated, another “nail” will likely take its place. 

So, when somebody is having trouble accepting that the “nail” is an issue, or is having trouble removing the nail, LISTEN. Ask questions. Try to determine the underlying pain that is being coped with in an unhealthy way, and treat THAT, rather than assume all the problems will be resolved through hasty nail removal. 

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