Steps Family Therapy

  Recovering from Break Up Let me just start by saying, I am so sorry. This must be intensely painful for you (or you would not be seeking guidance on dealing with it). You cared deeply about this person, or what they had to offer you, and the loss is devastating. Though I don’t know your specific pain, I have felt heartbreak of my own sort . The thoughts of this article are not about seeing the bright side of things. It might look like there is n’t even a bright side. Either way, the things going well in your life or the ways your life is easier after the breakup are not the things making it hard to recover. These thoughts are about treating the pain, not ignoring it. Assess the Damage Take a good look at what is hurting, and what is now missing. Are you missing an arm or a leg? Hopefully not, but it might feel like a massive important part of you is now missing, so let’s put words to it. Determine if it is one of the basic human needs: food, water, shelter, safety, socializat...

So, after careful consideration (and maybe after looking through the previous article on When to Walk Away), you’ve determined it is time to end the relationship. Knowing how to break up can be incredibly difficult, and you’ve likely felt a lot of pain in the process. Helping people navigate breakups is one of the saddest parts of a relational therapist’s job, but ending a relationship is sometimes a necessary and healthy decision. The following are some considerations for yourself and your partner as you follow through on how to break up in a way that preserves both of your dignity. What Needs Do You Have? People enter relationships to fulfill some need or want: emotional or physical intimacy, validation, loneliness, financial needs, children, etc. If you don’t have another reliable source for the essential needs, then it will be very difficult to pull the trigger on a breakup. For example, if you don’t feel emotionally stable when not in a romantic relationship, then you will anxious...

  It pains me that I would ever need to instruct people on how to reduce the intimacy and vulnerability of a relationship; to get to an internal state where a person’s words, both positive and negative, have little or no effect. Relational detachment is a therapist’s worst nightmare, but there are some scenarios where it may be appropriate: -When you frequently come into unavoidable contact with a verbally abusive family member (such as a parent). -When you do not consider divorce a legitimate option, but your spouse is not in a place to stop hurting you emotionally (If you can safely do so, please remove yourself from physically abusive relationships). -When you are co-parenting with someone who is not in a place to cooperate or be respectful. -Other situations where confrontation and resolution with a source of trauma are unlikely or impossible (workplace, school program, etc.).   I am almost always in favor of confrontation and repair, and believe all people are...

  A common question presented in therapy, and that I imagine most people face, is when to call it quits on a relationship. As a therapist, I try not to tell people what to do or not do regarding relationship status, but I may pose certain questions or provide education to help people make those decisions deliberately and according to their core values. The following thoughts may help you gain clarity as you decide whether to stay in certain relationships. First, I want to identify a few things that DON'T have to be deal breakers, but sometimes are if people don’t know about them or don’t take enough time to think about them. “ The ICK”. Though this term has many definitions in the Urban Dictionary, here it refers to a rapid decline in interest, or spike in aversion, of a potential partner due to trivial or unknown reasons (e.g., not asking her out again after seeing her leg hair, or after hearing his unique laugh). For us, the ICK refers to something inside YOU that needs to be exp...